illustrated moment

making sense with words and pictures

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I am nothing without my imagination

The World does not obey our concept of fairness. It does not care what happened to you in the past. It doesn’t care that you cried, you hurt, you lost. It doesn’t do handouts. It never has, and that’s what I’m here to remind you about today.

There was a time that I had fallen, I was wounded and weakened by the stumble I took on my journey. It sucked, truly. It was the worst thing I had experienced in my life. It made me feel nauseous and ill, and I hated The World because of it. I was broken because The World didn’t give me what I deserved, what I wanted, what I needed. It was all The World’s fault, and no matter what anyone said, that was my truth.

That moment, weakened by hatred and devastation, I was ready to give up – I was ready to call time on my past efforts, my journey so far, my hopes.

But that moment passed, and something clicked back in place.

The realisation that The World is not fair, it never has been is a seriously powerful one. Although it doesn’t care about your feelings and doesn’t hand out anything for free, The World will deliver if you work hard. If you don’t give up, if you push yourself beyond your made up limits, you will win. The World respects you when you punch it with your all.

It’s easier said than done – right? When you’re hurt, in tears, at a huge loss, it is not possible to find that motivation within you – right?

You would be correct, but only if you choose to ignore the most powerful tool you have in your existence. Your imagination.

Remember when you were a child and your imagination took you to places that seemed impossible to others? Remember the excitement it gave you, the drive it fired up? Go back to your imagination and embrace it!

I imagined the future I wanted. I saw myself overcoming the obstacles that tripped me up, I saw it with my mind’s eye. I witnessed my success before I got back up, and I felt my body and soul strengthen through that simple act. I couldn’t give up – never. Someone or something will have to force me to stop, because I am not a quitter. My imagination overcame the ‘impossible’ and gave me the power to pave my path through this World. The pain didn’t disappear instantly, I wasn’t filled with genuine cheer immediately – but I had something I lacked before, I had an insatiable drive to achieve what I could conjure up in my imagination. My new journey was even tougher, because I had to push to overcome the obstacles in front of me, but also myself. My new journey was even harder, but my imagination gave me a vision to set my targets on, I now had a direction to run in, I developed a determination I had never had the pleasure of knowing before my fall. With vision I am a hard-worker, effective, strong and self-motivated, but I am nothing without my imagination.

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An uncomfortable dream

I’m the type of person that dreams every single night. Do you have any idea how exhausting that is? Putting my head down on my pillow in order to escape from the chaos of the day, only to find that my dreams are wackier and more emotional – no wonder I wake up tired! Usually, I sleep right the way through the night, and analyse my dreams during my morning commute – but this one time…it was different. Very different.

*Imaginary dramatic music playing in the background*

I was in my house and it was night-time. Only the desk lamps were on, giving the rooms a dull glow. I’m not sure what compelled me, but I walked over to look out of the window. Yes, I confirmed that it was dark outside. However, the top half of the sky was pitch black – like it was a sheet of paper painted black. The view from my window was one of houses and apartment blocks, but the top half of all of them just disappeared into this abyss. No stars. No subtle hues of deep purples or blues that usually accent the night sky. I remember thinking it was bizarre, but hey, we’re in a dream so anything goes! I retreated back to the room and after some time I found myself distracted by a pulsating light outside the window. A flash of blue – right there on the horizon! That’s strange. There was another flash, and another…the pulses of colour were rhythmic and captivating. I remember glancing back into the room I was in, purely out of confusion and slight disbelief at what I was seeing. I saw the interior of the house darken, just like the top half of the night sky had been. An uncomfortable chill grew in the back of my neck as I focused on the blue lights. When I concentrated hard enough it felt like I was able to slow the passage of time for a moment or two, and I could see what the blue flashes really were. They were the passage of a whole day – the blue light came on as the sun rose over the horizon and then set again, without travelling the sky above. I was standing still as days rose and set in the horizon far away. It was eerie and isolating. Then something even more bizarre happened. After yet another blue flash, an intense orange light exploded in the horizon. I recovered from the momentary blindness to witness the entire solar system lined up right in front of me. I’m a physics nerd, and I must express the majesty of seeing such a thing! I remember feeling overwhelmed and excited, but those emotions were quickly overpowered by serious nervousness. I was shaky and unsure of what this all meant – why was I witnessing all of this? I knew I was dreaming but I felt like there were so many levels to this scenario that I hadn’t begun to understand yet. That’s when I saw the man. He was standing outside, with a torch in his hand. He was looking for me! I instinctively knew I must hide from him – he could not know that I witnessed everything. As I frantically tried to crawl behind a desk, and he shone his light through my window – I woke up.

My heart was beating hard. My mind was frazzled, but I was really happy to be back in reality!

I’ve seen many dreams, and remembered most of them, but none of them have left me wondering so much as this one. I understand that dreams are works of brain magic, reorganising and making sense of conscious thoughts and emotions when we close our eyes to rest our bodies. However, this dream felt different. Very different.