I am currently working as a professional lab rat over the summer months and that means I have to wake up by a certain time in the morning. A task which my entire ancestor tree has been doing for as long as life has existed on this gorgeous planet – the task known as waking up – has proved to be somewhat of a difficult thing.
As I’m writing this – and seeing as you are reading this – the general consensus is that I am not in a vegetative state, but in fact I am conscious, alert and orientated. That would mean that I woke up at some point during the day – and I’m happy to report that I did indeed! So what’s the problem? The problem is that I am not waking up at the right time.
Like everybody else, the hour at which I need to wake up by is often too early to make use of my will power, so I set an alarm – in fact, I set about 5 alarms. When I finally go to bed I make sure that my alarm is away from my reach, so that I must get up and switch off it’s super annoying tune – and hoping that the entire process will prompt me not to climb back into bed to cuddle my duvet. Great, so what’s exactly the problem? The fact that I still manage to wake up late because the alarm hadn’t done it’s job!
This perplexing situation made me do a little research of my own. I set the alarm at different times during the day to check that all was in working order – super annoying tune, loud enough to wake up the entire city, going off a million times, absence of a dismiss button – and the results show that there is no reason why I should not be waking up all irritated and tired when the alarm dictates it.
So here’s my very short list of theories on the matter:
1. I am being targeted by an alarm ninja, who sneaks into my room just in time to neutralise the evil alarm clock because they don’t want me to get up and be productive – stupid alarm ninja!
2. I am the alarm ninja – unknowingly rising during deep sleep to switch off the alarm and return back to the dreams happening on the pillow, with no recollection of such activity when I finally do wake up – stupid alarm ninja brain!
Told you it was a very short list.
What a silly problem to be having! I have to now make an effort to retrain my brain to recognise the sound of the alarm clock so I can wake up before any funny business happens to delay my mornings and get me in trouble!
Stupid alarm clocks!