It’s no secret that I have been on a roller coaster of highs and lows as I battle the stress that future exams inject into my life. Whereas our American neighbours across the modest pond that is the Atlantic Ocean have their ‘finals’ in the April/May portion of the year, over here in the UK our torture is more prolonged – and my personal exam-doomsday is scheduled for a couple of weeks in June.
In an effort to become a super-efficient studying machine I dedicated an entire evening to formulating my revision timetable for the next 7 weeks – yes, 7 long weeks of every single minute being accounted for – so unnatural.
Now that I am out of options, with no acceptable reason to procrastinate without risking epic failure, I have become more possessive over my time. Gone are the days of mindlessly watching every possible show on Netflix (because my free trial happens to be over…not because I have impeccable self-control to give it up voluntarily), I am currently fixated on making the most out of every hour in the day. But such focus (yeah, right…) comes at a price my friends and family are finding a bit too expensive. Firstly, my phone is severely neglected. There’s no energy left in my brain after a day of crying over confusing textbooks, to reciprocate the attentions of those who love me. Although I don’t do it intentionally, I’m not sure everyone else understands that. Secondly, I don’t do anything ‘fun’ – but again, I don’t think that everyone believes me. I spend every waking moment either actively studying or thinking about studying – by any standard, my life is super dull. Thirdly, what little time I get to myself is so precious to me that I turn into a growling beast trying to protect it. The usually relaxed version of me has run off, leaving behind an uptight, frustrated and unstable version of a human being.
When you don’t have the luxury of time, any time holds a tremendous value. I’m trying to stay optimistic, after all, if things go well I will be having a very enjoyable summer being my wonderful (oh, and modest) self again. But my plans would be in jeopardy if I don’t take this period of time seriously and try my best to focus. For the moment, my time is used up with activities which are really necessary but not really what I would like to do, which means that my time isn’t really mine. However, every so often I get to steal a little time for myself, and that is when I want to rest and relax – and in order to do that I have to become possessive and protective over the short spells of sanity I get. You honestly can’t blame me, can you?