My brain betrayed me.
From the moment I woke up at an unnatural hour yesterday, I knew that it would be a rough day.
Most days I find myself feeling optimistic, happy and excited about taking on the day – because I visualise the world to be standing on pillars of rainbows. The reasons are complex, hazy and sometimes not very real – but that’s a topic to cover in another post.
However, there comes a day when my efforts to stay elated fall through. A heavy cloud forms over my head whilst I sleep and I wake up to a gloomy emotional state. It begins with a reflective mind set. Calculations of the smallest aspects of life begin, with heavy judgement and solemn silence. As the pressure inside my head builds up, the sadness weighs on my heart and leaves me feeling on the brink of tears. At this point anything can tip me over the edge, that’s how vulnerable I feel. The day doesn’t stop just because I’m having a moment of instability, and as it continues I find myself becoming exhausted and even more grouchy.
On that day I’m not myself – at all. I am quick to judge, I’m prone to crying, I’m drowning in self-pity – no matter how hard I try, I’m not pleasant to be around.
Fatigued by heavy emotions, I cocoon myself in the duvet and eventually fall asleep.
The sun rises and with it the dark clouds dissipate!
I wake up back to myself. Again, the Universe is on my side and world is inhabited by unicorns. I may feel ashamed by the way I reacted to the feelings of the day before, so explosive, so irrational. I may feel a bit embarrassed about how seriously I took the heavy clouds of emotion the day before. But now, I can’t help but laugh.
Although I never intentionally take my loved ones and loved things for granted, sometimes when I’m at my worst I can forget to show them just how much I truly appreciate their involvement in my life. But once I climb out of the ditch of doom, I look around and feel so grateful that they still want to be a part of my life. I’m glad that they could show me real kindness by being patient and trusting, even when I can’t do all that for myself. Even in a moment of mental instability, it’s important to realise that it will pass. And once again, you will be given the reigns to your mind, and you will be able to appreciate the wonders of life.
So take my advice, and don’t give up on yourself if you’re feeling miserable, and don’t give up on those who you love if they are having a lapse in good cheer. Just as the world is supported by pillars of rainbows, I am supported by the resilient, nurturing and love-filled hearts of my friends and family. And that in itself is something to be super thankful for!